Dreux Mud
By A1C Larry Freimuth

Notice the mud and the one board bridge over the ditch

THE SIX MUD TYPES (Written on a wet construction site at Dreux AFB)

TYPE 1, Watery Mud: This type of mud resembles brown water. It is usually found with TYPE 2 mud. This mud is often splashed up by car tires. A distinguishing feature of TYPE 1 mud is that it can soak through several layers of clothing, thus giving you muddy underwear.

TYPE 2, Syrupy Mud: This type of mud has the consistency of molasses. It's most distinguishing feature is that it can seep in almost anywhere and ruin anything that the other types of mud don't ruin first.

Type 3, Cow Pile Mud: This type of mud is by far the most prevalent. It should be quite familiar to anyone who has walked through a cow pasture. It sticks to anything, especially shoes and the underside of cars. It is particularly adept at detaching itself at the most inconvenient times and places. It can be found on the rugs in the homes of most site workers. It detaches itself from under cars only in scrupulously clean parking lots. It leaves the impression that you are driving a car with diarrhea. This mud varies in depth from 2" to deep enough to swallow a bulldozer. Three bulldozers and their operators are missing on the site.

TYPE 4, Clumping Mud: This type of mud is a variation of TYPE 3 mud. It is formed when TYPE 3 mud partially dries. It forms into small balls typically 1" to 4" in diameter. It is often thrown up by car tires, thus permitting mud to get to places where it might not otherwise reach.

TYPE 5, Icy Mud: This type of mud is particularly lethal. It is formed from frozen TYPE 4 mud. It is hard as rock. It bears a remarkable similarity to cannon balls. It can crack a car's windshield and then melt and ooze into the cracks, and can't be washed off. Eventually all the cracks are filled and your vision is completely blocked. The only cure is to replace the windshield. If it hits a person, it can be fatal. Reports say that so far seven people on the site have been killed by it.

TYPE 6, Dry Surface Mud: This type of mud is formed from TYPE 3 mud when it starts to dry. It is characterized by a dry surface over several inches of wet TYPE 3 mud. It is most often found when you try to jump over a wet area onto a seemingly dry piece of ground, only to find it isn't dry, it's TYPE 6 mud. This type of mud is rarely less than 12 inches deep.

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